Thank You St. Louis

As we travel across the country, we’re being educated almost as often as we’re bringing new information to our audiences. We crossed California, Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, Kansas, and Missouri. These states are exploring the rights and responsibilities of gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender persons in the legislature and through the work of activists and allies. Our hosts are the GLBT communities and organizations that carry on the grass-roots efforts along our route. They have welcomed us, offered their hospitality and often co-sponsored our events and actions.
In St. Louis on Friday we experienced hospitality “Missouri-style” at a barbecue and rally hosted outdoors (even though it was raining). Local activists from a number of organizations put together an afternoon of hot dogs, speakers, music, and fun and invited us as honored guests. We met new friends, heard from the leaders in the local GLBT community, had an opportunity to share our stories, and took the chance to relax. For an hour or so, we were able to unwind and just enjoy. Each time we make a connection with another community I’m reminded that there are a lot of people across this country engaged in the struggle for equal rights for same-gender folks. What we need now is for each of those folks to tell someone else about the inequities, to tell someone else that same-gender couples can’t receive survivor benefits, can’t sponsor their foreign-born partners, can’t file joint tax-returns, and on and on.
When I’m enjoying the music on a rain soaked day, eating hot dogs and chatting with friends, I know we can make civil marriage a reality. Thank you, St. Louis.

Comments

[Barbara Clutter]

Helen,
We're so proud of you!
Betty and I (and Brian) are leaving for SFO this am to celebrate our 25yrs together. Though we don't have a marriage ceremony to comemorate, it's still a special anniversary. Perhaps, soon, thanks to folks like you and your fellow riders, we'll be able to "get married" for real.
Thanks for what you are doing.
Barbara

[willie]

Just finished reading your informative prose. Jeff and I are very proud of you. In Garrison's words: "Be well, do good work, and keep in touch"---I will add: "Come home safely to us"---W of UU SLO County.

[Paul and Rick]

Dearest Helen,

Sometimes there is not much one can say except "Thank You".

Please know our warmest thoughts are with you as you journey in this heroic work.

We are honored to count you as our minister, our confidant and our friend.

Much love,

Paul and Rick

[Marnie Singer]

Helen,

As one who was delighted when the father of my children (a UU minister, to whom I was married from ’68 to ‘93) proposed the "best man's toast" at my church wedding to my illegal spouse in 2003; as one who missed getting married in SF because our appointment was 21 hours too late, on March 12; and as one of the many people that Molly has called "marriage warriors," I deeply appreciate your taking this journey.

However, I winced every time you mentioned “same-gender” couples in your blog. My spouse is a genetic female who has come to recognize and claim the self she has always been but was afraid to be. Until she speaks, she is seen by others as male, and she perceives herself to be more male than female. Every time she steps into a public women’s room, she is aware that an angry woman may point at the door and shrilly inform her that the men’s room is down the hall. (We call those people “the gender police.”) It is not my spouse’s *gender* as it is performed and perceived by others that prevents our legal marriage; it is because of her legal *sex* -- or mine -- that we cannot be legally married.

I have learned this distinction only in the past year: gender refers to identity and perception, and sex refers to biology. What matters legally is one’s sex.

We are always learning. I wish we could have joined the caravan. We could have had some wonderful conversations on the road!

Namaste,
Marnie Singer

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